One

This morning has brought me such comfort.  We are waiting to go to our second opinion appointment for our son, and after picking up his radiology reports yesterday, we are nervous.  For the first time this morning, I am not angry at God for doing this, I am leaning on Him.  I've always been so quick to blame God for all of the bad things that were happening to me.  I was thankful for the good things, but I was so ready to place blame for the bad things.  I wondered so many times, why would He punish me this way.  I shunned Him, instead of welcomed Him, during my hard times.  This time is so much different.  I know I can lean on Him and He will be there for me.  An interesting thing happened this morning.  My son got dressed as usual, and then came to sit in my lap.  He is normally so consumed with getting ready and watching his morning cartoons.  He laid his head down on me and kept watching TV.  I snuggled him in and closed my eyes and prayed for the day.  As I started to pray, I could feel our heart beats become in sync with one another.  My heart was beating so hard.  I prayed for answers today and comfort and healing for my son.  Then, my son looked up at me, with tears in his eyes and said, "I'm not crying mommy, my eyes are just wet, ok?" and he laid his head back down on my shoulder.  I don't know what he was feeling at the time.  I pray some more for his comfort and for his mind to be at ease about all of this.  I'm sure he can sense the worry in us, but something told me it wasn't worry.  He eventually sat up and I asked him if he was ok.  He said yes.  I asked him if he wanted to talk about it.  He said no at first, but I told him he could tell me anything.  He said he didn't want to tell me.  I said ok, I didn't press.  I just told him that he could tell me anything he wanted to and know that he would always be safe with mommy.  He said ok.  The connection I felt with him this morning is like none I've ever felt before.  Maybe he felt that too.  Maybe he didn't know how to explain it.  I know for that brief moment, he was relying on my heartbeat.  I was relying on his.  We were one again for just a moment in time.  I know God is watching over us today and is preparing us for whatever news may come.  Good or bad, we are going to praise Him no matter what.  He has always gotten us through.