I hesitate to start this blog, as it is not something that is comfortable to me, but since Ben's illness and surgery, it has almost become a necessary part of my life. I have always been an extremely private person. Never speaking of my feelings even to my close family or friends. I have been through a lot in my life time. More than most, but not as much as some, I guess you could say. I never shared any of my experiences with anyone really. I have always held on tightly to my feelings, afraid of what people might think or worse, what I might think of myself if I uttered them out loud. I was afraid to forgive myself and afraid to believe in God again, after all that kept happening to me. I never believed people when they said they had a moment with God, until I had my own. It is something amazingly beautiful, but almost unsettling at the same time. My stomach has been in knots since it happened. Every time I think about it, I have that anxious feeling, but at the same time, I feel mended. I feel whole. I feel compelled to share everything I am feeling and going through with anyone who wants to hear it or read it. I can't stop thinking and I can't stop writing. So this blog is going to be a journey. A journey of my past, of all the difficulties I have been dealt, but most importantly a journey of faith. My hope is that if you or someone you know is going through or has gone through some of the harder struggles in life, that my experience might help you come to peace with yourself too.
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