Well, I have spent the last several days wondering whether or not I should post any of what you are about to read. All of the things that are happening to me lately are far from belief if you are not a true believer, I suppose. What you are about to read will shock you. Especially coming from my lips. It is so unbelievable, even to my own ears. Had I not been experiencing it myself, I would certainly not believe it. I am/have always been a skeptic. As I said before, I was a truth seeker. There are certain things that one cannot just trust, in my opinion. The preachers on TV, the Benny Hinn's of the world. Touch the TV screen and I will heal you. Pray for riches and they will come. I cannot believe in those things. They are not truths. If you choose to believe in that, it is your business and most certainly, none of mine. Up until this day, I lumped all religion into that same category. Religion is politics of a different sort. Those that get into it have a need to rule and run things and will use God and the Bible to scare you. I felt it was why the Bible was written so long ago, to scare those that would not follow a kings word or a priests church. So much of the church has been tainted with sexual abuse and money making. Churches are popping up like McDonald's, only more so because there are no zoning limitations from a corporate franchise telling you that you can't have one McDonald's next to another. People are seeking a greater power. They want to know that their miserable lives have meaning. They have a need to hear that God is always watching and protecting us and if you do certain things, He will forgive you of all that you have done and continue to do. They have a need for a community that believes the same things. People telling people that they are the same. They have a need to go to church on Sundays and pretend that they have done no wrong all week and are living a life that Christ would want them to, by being seen at church. That is what religion has become. A social event. Come see what I'm doing for Christ. I'm going to church each week. I'm a door greeter, a group leader, a minister. Come and follow me and I will show you the way and the light to ultimate forgiveness. Touch the screen and I will change your life. Donate to me and you will see. Read my book. Listen to my word. We accept it because you can't fault anyone for trying to make things better, but in reality most of us despise it. How can one person have millions of people listening to their words like they come straight from God? Do these people have a connection with God? The TV preachers? I don't know. How did they ever get so many people to believe that what they were saying was the truth. It boggles my mind. What made that one person special? I don't know.
What I do know is this, I have been given a gift. A gift of a personal experience with Christ. I'm not sure why or how I was chosen. I'm not sure if you will believe what I'm about to tell you. It is the truth beyond all truth. I have no agenda for writing this. Other than that is what He's told me to do. I have no means of profiting from this story and no wish to. I have been given the untold riches you hear of when you accept Christ as your full guide in life. I have been given an experience unlike any other and beyond priceless. I am the richest woman in the world right now because of what has been given to me. My heart is so full of love and forgiveness and that is the most rewarding and amazing feeling I have ever felt. Ever since that first night of prayer, I have been filled with the Holy Spirit. He has allowed me to be born again. Those two words "born again" have become a joke in this world, made so by criminals and TV preachers. But they really are true and real. The true baptism is from Christ. It happens. It may not happen at church or in a line for Joel Osteen to dunk you into a bath tub, but it does happen. He blesses and baptizes people every day. Ordinary people, struggling with what life has given them. He makes believers out of non believers. His word, carried out by those people is what converts others to this faith. It is why I'm chosing to share this with you. He has converted me in the most beautiful way. He places His hands on me each day and I trust that He will guide me through out the entire day and I will do what He wills me to do, no matter what. At this point, as I am writing this, I feel as though I am making myself out to be a fool, if you choose to think so. You may laugh at me, I may become the butt of the jokes, but it is ok, because I know what I know and I have experienced Christ rushing through my veins. I have had an almost nightly experience with Christ. I would call it an "out of body" experience. I can see your faces now as you read that. Some are in shock, some are laughing, some are concerned for my well being and sanity, and some are entrigued. It is a supernatural experience, almost alien-abduction-esque, I suppose. If I didn't know better, that's what I would think. I was being abducted by aliens. Me, the truth seeker, logical, non nonsensical, responsible, intelligent, stay-at-home mom/past corporate IT guru. I am not on drugs or alcolhol. I do not suffer from any sort of mental disorder. I am overly aware of what you are thinking, because I am thinking the same things. Am I crazy? Have I gone off the deep end? Is this a mid-life crisis? Is something wrong with my brain? Is it lack of sleep? Is it lack of religion? Is it stress? Should I be committed? Monitored? Tested? Something is certainly wrong, but so very right. I don't actually believe all of those things. Those that I've told in person don't actually believe any of those things. No one is concerned around me. They are all intrigued and watching and waiting for the next encounter. Jesus is most certainly speaking to me daily, directly. Through books, at night through lights and visions and via strangers. It began the first night I prayed directly to God for Ben's safety. I felt the electrical pulses rushing over me and through my veins. As I said, I felt cleansed and purified, baptised by Jesus and the Holy Spirit on my son's bedroom floor. Then after we came home, the small visions began with, what I can be sure of, is the telling of truths about my life. He fed me tidbits about the happenings of the days I lost the twins and nearly died. Things I didn't know, but others did. He allowed me to have the courage to ask the questions I needed to and he gave me the questions I should ask. Once I fully committed my life to Him, He took me by storm and started showing me He was real. I appreciate Him. I love Him. More than I've ever loved Him. He is a part of me. A part of my family. I would give anything or do anything for Him. He has changed me. He is challenging me. There is no greater feeling in the world than the freedom that truly loving Christ with all of your heart gives you.
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